Give Thanks

I can not believe that it is Thanksgiving already. I feel like Easter was yesterday. I am off this week, doing some things around the house to get it ready to be sold (it is on the market so if you know anyone who wants to buy a great house in Port Orange FL for a great price holla). I had a meeting about my business, (which is also for sale), and then just helped Jack around the house and played with the kids. I love days like this. This has been a rough year. I have gone through some things that I am sure are going to help shape my future, but at the same time, stuff I NEVER EVER want to deal with again or would ever wish on anyone else. I really believe that the crap we walk though in life can help us or kill us depending on how we respond. I hear a lot of people saying that 2007 sucked. While it will not go down as the best year of our lives, we can not hate the process. God uses stuff we go through to form us, to mold us, and to help us become better. I am thankful that God has stripped me this year. I am thankful that financially this has been a rough year, it has taught me so much about money. I am thankful for the fact at times I feel God is not even in the same universe as me, it makes me chase him harder. I am glad jackie and i have gone through some crap, it has brought us closer together. I am also glad that 2007 is almost over and that 2008 provides a lot of great new adventures for our lives. So this week, embrace time with your family. Eat the H out of some turkey. Love hard. Embrace the bad and let it build for your future. In life we are never promised that it will be easy, but we are promised that the season will eventually change. Here is to the lessons we have learned, will learn, and the promise of tomorrow. 

Bono @ the NAACP awards

This past March, Irish rocker, humanitarian, and sometimes preacher Paul Hewson, won the Chairmans Award from the NAACP. Below I have posted  his acceptance speech. It is sometimes funny to me when we classify who can communicate to what group based on skin color, style, or perception. In his 5 minutes, Bono had the NAACP base ready to move even though he was a white, rocker, from Ireland, who may not on the surface “relate” to this demographic. What is awesome to me is that his mission, his cause, and his passion is what won him over the audience and left them standing and cheering. When God has you to deliver a message it will resonate regardless of you or your audience.Some say I may love Bono a little to much. But I get excited when I see passionate people doing something relevant and communicating their cause. Bono has an anointing and a mission. God is using him. Is he perfect? Far from, but neither am I and your reading this blog, so God can use anyone. So, set aside your preconceived notion and invest 6:22 in learning from someone who may or may not be like you. If you enjoy this clip, go and see this post from earlier of Bono’s speech at the National Prayer Breakfast. ONE. 

The Power of Reality

An amazing thing has happened. In allowing myself to be more real, more transparent, and more vulnerable, I have allowed God to create an atmosphere where people can grow. Understand I take NO credit for this. Vulnerability is a weakness not a strength in my life. Being real is hard for me to do. I am an introvert. I am someone who internalizes everything. In fact, I tend to allow for my issues to be worked out inside usually before I ever even alert someone there is an issue. In the past by the time someone found out I had a problem, it was already fixed. So to say that being vulnerable or authentic or real or whatever you want to call it is comfortable or easy for me would be a big joke. I  had a breakthrough in my life about 2 weeks ago, and an experience a week after that that was like taking spiritual human growth hormones. When that happened I realized I had to start being completely real. This revelation has opened up a side of me that was never before accessed. A few things have happened since then: 

• I have a new accountability in my life to keep it real. Jackie (who is now blogging) has really started calling me out on being real. Part of this is probably what prevented me from being real in the past. However, I have learned that an uncomfortable real is better than a comfortable plastic. 
• Reality has caused me to be uncomfortable and has caused others around me to be uncomfortable. I think this is kind of good though. Growth causes you to be uncomfortable and thus may challenge your “relationships” and the comfort of people around you. 
• Reality has caused me to face and confront some things in my life. A few of these things are pride, insecurity, a man pleasing spirit, the desire to be liked at any cost, etc….just to be real. 
• Reality has created a buzz in my life. I have had more comments on this blog about the stuff I have written from my heart in the past few weeks than anything that I have ever written before. I get at least 1 email a day where a person is telling me God has used the mess and confusion and broken places of my life to minister to them. I have even had people walk up to me and tell me…man your blog is helping me so much. Is that not what life is about? Life is about helping people get better….right? It is so amazingly funny to me that we continue to all live a life full of masks and mirrors and do not allow for our things to be the medicine that heals a hurting world. I remember years ago talking with my friend, Jason, and he would recite story after story about how brokenness was the doorway to breakthrough in his life. How the best songs he would write would come from a broken place. How the presence of God could show up the strongest in his brokenness because when he was broken he could not be proud. AMAZING.

So here is the deal. I am doing my best to be real and to be the best I can be. I can not promise I am going to always live up to the standard that I am trying to set in my life. I am human not divine. I need grace and mercy. I know God is doing a lot in my life right now. He is moving.  It is probably going to help some people, hurt others, confuse some, including me, and ultimately force me into my purpose.  As I stated a few days ago, I am addicted to God’s presence. I fall out of it sometimes and fight like heck to say in it as much as possible. I am human. I need grace and mercy. I can’t wait to see what happens next. I have a new rhythm…its an unforced rhythm of Grace. 

A New Addiction

I got a new drug. I have been broken and I am addicted to the hurt of brokenness. I hate how it feels but I love what it reveals. Im addicted to hurt. I am addicted to tears. I am addicted to that sick feeling. I never want to lose it. In that place you feel God. you feel what He feels. You see things different. God opens your eyes to what he sees. I am addicted to hurt because I can not be “me” anymore. I am addicted to hurt to be grounded in what I need. See here is the deal to really uproot things and see change  you have to go through stuff. If you go through stuff, you will see you are small and HE is big. So when you embrace that fact you stay grounded in the fact that when you are not hurting, you may be rebuilding your pride.  

in closing i feel i need to clear the air a little bit. if you are a regular to this little blog you understand that I have been growing over the past few weeks. I have been embracing some stuff. I am not sinning. I am not dealing with a bunch of crazy crap…I am just a regular cat who is walking it out. I appreciate the concern, the prayers, or whatever. If you know me you probably know whats up. if you dont know me, stay tuned…we are in for the ride of our lives. I am not jacked up by a bunch of things. Im not doing stuff I should not be doing. My battles lie within. They are mine and you can just watch them unfold. If you have an issue with me…come ask me. I am learning to be VERY real and because of that I will tell you what you should know about me. Im here. Holla!